Grand Theft Auto 3: Sonic!
by Marevix
Summary: Rated R for big time Violence, if that's enough, and some other nasty.. Things.. This is a parody of GTA3.
1. Chapter 1: Wha? They're Criminals now?

Look everyone I'm FINALLY doing GTA3: Sonic! I got bored with focusing on SttH so I'm trying to see if this fancies me.  
  
Knuckles is in a black leather coat, walking up to a small looking laundramat.  
  
Knuckles walks in, and fingers the Uzi in his left-bottom inside pocket.  
  
Sonic is there, in the background, holding a Shotgun, behind a small pillar. He looks around the corner.  
  
Sonic: Knuckles?  
  
Knuckles looks at Sonic.  
  
Knuckles: Sonic?  
  
Sonic: Knuckles, what are you doing here?  
  
Knuckles: I'm here to collect the protection money a wench on my gang's territory in blood, that she hasn't payed in a loooong time.  
  
Sonic: Would her name be Sally Acorn?  
  
It was already spooky, being that it was dark, and raining outside, but that god-forsaken name instilled fear into all that heard it.  
  
Knuckles: That's the one. How did you know?  
  
Sonic: I'm working as a Hitman. To assasinate her.  
  
Knuckles: Sounds like we'll be doing both our bosses a favor killing her.  
  
Sonic: That's for sure.  
  
Sally rounded a corner from a hallway. Knuckles hid behind a pillar, and Sonic took sharp aim.  
  
Sonic: 5..4..3..2..1.. GET HER!  
  
Knuckles ran out in front of her from behind the pillar, shooting her with a Uzi. Sonic pumped her with a few shots from his Shotgun.  
  
Sally: Why.. Sonic... Why?.........  
  
Sally fell to the ground, dead.  
  
An Alarm started.  
  
Sonic: Get the hell out of here!  
  
Sonic sped out the door, and so did Knuckles. Sonic kept going, down the road, and he jumped into a convertible with the hood down, knocked the driver and passanger out, and drove away. Knuckles climbed up the wall of the laundramat, and climbed up onto a tall apartment building next to it, and jumped from roof to roof to get away. Several men with pistols ran out of the building, but saw no intruders.  
  
Later, Sonic and Knuckles met at the outskirts of Chinatown, at a corner. Their meeting place.  
  
Sonic: I told Tails to meet us here as well.  
  
Knuckles: So, what is this meeting about?  
  
Tails scaled down the building behind them, and said,  
  
Tails: Yeah, I was having fun with Tikal.  
  
Sonic: I just wanted to tell everyone I got another job I want your help on. My next target is Bunnie Rabbot. Apparently, my boss hates SatAM characters, and so do I.  
  
Tails: Aren't WE technically SatAM characters?  
  
Knuckles: No, SatAM characters fall under created in SatAM.  
  
Sonic: Exactly. Anyways, I stole Bunnie's PDA, and she had a map listing where she was going to go and when. Currently, she's going to a Male Prostitution building.  
  
Tails shudders.  
  
Tails: That's even more evil than female prositution.  
  
Bunnie: That might have been the worst mistake in your life.  
  
Knuckles jumped at Tails, and tackled him before Bunnie shot him.  
  
Sonic: DIE!!!  
  
Sonic charged at Bunnie, not even stopping to draw a gun. He leapt up into the air, turned Super, and stomped her face in from above.  
  
Super Sonic: EVIL!!  
  
Sonic started beating on her, obviously having an immense hatred against the robot/female rabbit. After she had been beaten to the point where she probably couldn't move, Sonic tossed her ontop of a building, and reverted back to regular.  
  
Sonic: Uhhh.. Forget about going after her, I already took care of it.  
  
Knuckles: Damn, I was supposed to be the one relentlessly beating her. I'm the one with the sharp knuckles.  
  
Sonic: Then climb up there and put her out of her misery.  
  
Knuckles: Gladly.  
  
Knuckles climbed up ontop of the building, and then continued what Sonic had startedm inflicting much more damage due to his spikes on his hands.  
  
Tails: For someone that could've been dead right now hundreds of times over, I feel pretty calm.  
  
Shadow: I have that same feeling.  
  
Sonic: SHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Shadow dodged Sonic's Sonic Boom ability, and returned it with his own air-piercing flesh-slamming scream.  
  
Shadow: MMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sonic was slammed through several buildings.  
  
Shadow: Now, I didn't come here to attempt to kill you- again-, I simply came to ask you if you saw Bunnie Rabbot.  
  
Tails: She's ontop that building.  
  
Shadow: Chaos Control!  
  
Shadow inspects the corpse, and immediately jumps off.  
  
Shadow: I guess I won't have to cover up for that illegal bank withdrawl from her account by me after all.  
  
Knuckles: Boy, everyone hates SatAM characters. Bunnie couldn't get a boyfriend, so she was going to a Male Prostitution Facility.  
  
Shadow: You mean an M-Pimp house?  
  
Tails: What's that?  
  
Shadow: Man-Pimp. Otherwise, a pimp that recruits guys. A gay guy most of the time. Mostly attracting gay customers. A gay-  
  
Knuckles: I think we get the idea.  
  
Sorry about the sudden change in plots. So apparently, the Sonic gang has been driven to crime, and they're hunting down SatAM characters? I'll explain next time. 


	2. Chapter 2: Shadow plays poker with Knuck...

Okay everyone, story's going through some changes. First of all, since no- one knows this really exists, I'm going to keep the words only 1000+. Once people read this alot and review each Chapter, I will raise that. Got that? Okay.  
  
Shadow was playing poker with Tails and Knuckles.  
  
Shadow: Hahah! Nothing can stop this!  
  
Shadow laid down a pair of Aces.  
  
Knuckles: Ahh, damnit. Just my luck, all I have is a pair of Jacks. What do you have, Tails? Tails: 2 pairs of Aces.  
  
Shadow: Damn you! You just made me lose all of the money I stole from Bunnie and then some!  
  
Shadow kicked over the table, and walked away.  
  
Knuckles: I think I'm just going to stop here.  
  
Knuckles walked away as well.  
  
Tails did what people would call 'Making him look even more like a girl'. He got a happy look on his face, hugged the money, and said,  
  
"Money! I love money! I love you, money!"  
  
Then, Tails kissed a dollar bill with Abraham Lincoln on it. Pure insanity. Also some irony. An orange kitsune kissing a green slip of paper that has seen a whole country, and on it has a dead man from ages long past. When's the last time that's happened? Probably never.  
  
Sonic creeped out of the wreckage Shadow had caused the building he slammed into.  
  
Sonic: Ow..  
  
Normally in these cases, when Sonic shows the first sign of pain, Tails flies him to a hospital.  
  
Sonic: A-hem. OW. OW!! OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! MY LEG!!!!!!  
  
Tails: SHADDUP! I'M COUNTING MY MONEY!  
  
This was, as a fact, very funny. Tails, normally being selfless when Sonic is hurt, even if he fakes it, helps him. Now he just tells him to shutup.  
  
Shadow: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!  
  
Thank you, Shadow, but I REALLY wanted Eggman to do that.  
  
Shadow: Oh, okay. EGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Eggman popped up next to Sonic, pointed at him, and laughed. You know, the incredibly long one.  
  
Eggman:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sonic then suddenly had blood running down his ears.  
  
Sonic: Oww, damnit, I think you just burst my damn eardrums..  
  
Eggman: Hahah!  
  
Sonic: OW! OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
And that went on and on, Sonic screaming louder every single time, just hurting his ear even more, repeating the process. After several minutes, Sonic subjected to the shock of the incredible pain and fell over, unconscious.  
  
Shadow: Okay, you're done Eggman, go home.  
  
Eggman: I know how to beat Sonic now.. Get a shitload of amplifiers, stick em on a floating Egg Machine, and laugh as loud as I can through a Microphone.. That would kill him.  
  
Tails: S O N I C Go! S O N I C Go! Inside, outside, Go Sonic! Inside, outside, Yes Sonic! To be shine, to be free!  
  
Tails continued singing every single part of the Japanese Sonic X theme song that was English. Considering how I can't get that out of my head, I sang along.  
  
To be shine, to be free! Blah blah lots of Japanese! To be shine, to be free! I just want a slice of cheese! (I just made that up! Not including the To be shine/free part.)  
  
Then I remembered that I was an author, in a story, singing my head off. So I stopped singing.  
  
Shutup, Tails.  
  
Tails: To be- okay.  
  
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tails: Huh?  
  
I just wanted to say that.  
  
Tails: You mean you wish Sonic wasn't badly injured?  
  
Oh. Well, that too.  
  
Tails: Reminds me, now you're supposed to teleport Sonic to a hospital.  
  
Oh, okay. I then use my powers to seriously injure Tails, so that he wouldn't remember what had happened. Then I teleport both of them. Heheheh.  
  
Okay, I'm ending the chapter. Btw, S O N I C is pronounced like initials, not like Sonic's name. I'm pretty sure this weighs right over 1000 words, but to be sure I'm typing all of this to maintain my rather generous promise of making sure I have over 1000 words per chapter in THIS FANFIC ALONE might I add. SttH or SttH: The Movie does not apply. Okay, I believe this is over 1000 words now so I shall now save this document and upload it, where you are viewing it as we speak. 


	3. Chapter 3: Sonic busts up a Crack House,...

Well, I've been heeding all of your reviews, but this is mostly serious stuff. Last time's humor was just to make sure you could adjust to the rather strange and not very humorous fic.  
  
Sonic was alone, walking on the sidewalk, on a night much like the one where he killed Sally. He would never forget that night. He destroyed the character he was forced to like and work with in the TV shows that made him look childish. He was caught off guard when another random mugger stepped out from an alley, gun pointed at him. Sonic took off his trench coat, showing the criminal his identity.  
  
Sonic: You're going to wish you never even thought about mugging me.  
  
Sonic darted in a curve around the mugger, and grabbed his arm. He twisted it in such a way the mugger dropped the gun, and fell over after Sonic kicked him down. Sonic picked up the gun and shot its owner with it several times.  
  
Sonic continued down the sidewalk. He was walking to a Mafia crack- house. He was looking for some quick cash, and guessed that it would be a good way to steal a bunch of crack, and kill a bunch of guys in the process for their cash and weapons. He pocketed the gun, thinking he might need it for sniping out a few long-range targets. Besides the small gun, he has no weaponry. He figured all he needed was a quick 1-2 punch to knock a guy out, and considering how fast he was he could pull off alot of those in a few seconds.  
  
Several minutes later..  
  
Sonic was arriving at the crack-house. He saw 2 guys in front of it. He passed by them, when the one right behind him grabbed him.  
  
Man #2: You have any money?  
  
Sonic: No, but I'm about to kick everyone's ass in a 50 foot radius of this crack-house.  
  
Man #1: Get him!  
  
Man #2 swung at him, but Sonic ducked and tripped him and Man #2. He then spin-dashed over both of them to make sure they wouldn't get back up in their lifetime. He grabbed their weaponry, 2 uzis with some good ammo, on each as well as their walletts. He found a key on one of them, and opened the door with it. He calmly walked in, shutting the door. To his suprise, there were only a few guards, but plenty of crack addicts.  
  
Sonic: Alright, everyone! Heads up over here!  
  
Some guard: What's going on?  
  
Sonic: There's a bunch of cops outside, they're gonna bust the place! Get outta here!  
  
Everyone started fleeing for the door, but were suprised when Sonic didn't move.  
  
Sonic: PSYCHE!  
  
Sonic started smashing faces in left and right, shooting the guards, and stealing cash and other stuff.  
  
Guard: GET HIM!  
  
Sonic was through with the guards in rows chasing after him with a few spin-dashes. He finished off the rest of them, and shot their bodies. Anyone who was in the near area that didn't notice this comotion was either heavy sleepers, or deaf. Sonic finished looting everything, and had to steal a car to fit all of the cash and drugs in. He left most of it to get later. He drove out, and dumped the stuff back at his apartment. He crept into the hole in the wall he normally covered with wallpaper, leading to the abandoned storage room he only knew about. He made 2 more trips, and left the rest for the other looters, although he got all the cash and most of the drugs.  
  
Sonic: Good, soon I can sell all of this shit off for some major money. Let's count the gains.. It turned out he had gotten $30,000 from all of the people there, and about 40 k worth of drugs. The people had been stocking on the money that day, and the crack-house was one of the largest in his neighborhood.  
  
Now to Tails..  
  
Tails was walking down the street, trying to remember where Sonic's apartment was. A car almost ran him over.  
  
Tails: Holy crap! Maybye I should walk on the sidewalk, or better yet, fly!  
  
Tails took flight up ontop Sonic's apartment building.  
  
Tails: Wait a second, this RPG launcher here is Sonic's!  
  
Tails was referring to the RPG launcher laying ontop of the roof.  
  
Tails: This must be his apartment!  
  
Tails scale down the building with his rope, and saw Sonic through a window. Tails kicked the window a bit, and Sonic opened the window. Tails swung in and pulled the rope in.  
  
Sonic: Tails, what in the known world were you doing scaling the apartment building I live in? Tails: Duh, to find you.  
  
Sonic: What do you want?  
  
Tails: I wanted to ask you if you saw Shadow recently, or Eggman.  
  
Sonic: Nope. Reminds me, Eggman hurt my ears real bad then.  
  
Tails: We all know. But while I'm here, I might as well tell you.  
  
Sonic: What is it?  
  
Tails: There are a shitload of Mafia guys walking down the street in this direction.  
  
Sonic: Ahh, crap, they're after me for turning the Mafia Slim-crack house inside out.  
  
Tails: You did WHAT?!!  
  
Sonic: You heard me.  
  
Tails: Ahh, man! Sonic, all the Mafia gangsters in the town are after you now! As if it wasn't bad enough before!  
  
Sonic: Don't worry, I just turn Hyper and beat their asses with an iron pole!  
  
Tails: Sonic? That was with the Mafia in a 2 mile radius last time.  
  
Sonic: Holy crap! That radius was only 2 miles? I can't fight THIS many Mafia!  
  
Tails: I know! We'll fly away in my Simulator! I made a hover add-on. I took it on a test flight yesterday.  
  
Sonic: And I'll get all of the crack and shit I stole, and take everything we own with us, and put it in a level. Storage level, right?  
  
Tails: No, I filled it up with sexual appliances, I made a larger storage level.  
  
Sonic: Man, and that was 3 square miles! How much larger is this?  
  
Tails: 297 square miles larger.  
  
Sonic: Damn, 100 times that!  
  
Tails: I'll be right back.  
  
Sonic stuffed the laser machine thing into the storage room, and Tails beamed it all into the Simulator. Then, Tails programmed it to go to Knuckles' hideout in Nowhere, Nebraska.  
  
Knuckles: Hi there.  
  
Sonic: Hi. Do you mind if we live here for several years? The Mafia is super pissed at me and we can't go back for a while.  
  
Knuckles: Sure! I was just about to go on a fun driving/wrecking spree.  
  
Knuckles hopped in his stolen Mafia Sentinel, and drove off towards Liberty City.  
  
Inside, Sonic and Tails were delighted at Knuckles' hideout. Seen Spy- Kids? It's kind of like the safehouse, but 50x bigger with more accessories and shit.  
  
Sonic: I am getting bored watching TV. Let's go 1 on 1 in Counter Strike with Knuckles' T3 internet connection!  
  
Tails: No, let's go 1 on 1 in Empyrion with Marevix's Marevuu Empire!  
  
Sonic: Okay!  
  
Turns out Tails kicked Sonic's ass, and Sonic kicked Tails' ass once they went out of the game room.  
  
Tails: Owwy. Owwwwy. Owwwwwy.  
  
Sonic: SHUTUP! WITH THE OWY SHIT!  
  
Tails: I was saying yaoi. There is a yaoi bastard behind you.  
  
Sonic: Really- AHHH!!!  
  
Then he got raped by a yaoi bastard. Weird. Tails kicked the yaoi bastard in the face a few times and tossed him out the window.  
  
AND THAT'S ALL FOKES! I MEAN FOCES! I MEAN FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. Chapter 4: The Pimp, the Raid, and the T...

I just reread GTA4 Sonic and realized how much it kicked ass. So I'm adding another chapter.  
  
Knuckles went to Callahan point and waited for a car to pull up. After about an hour, one pulled up. Knuckles pulled out his AK-47 and shot the car a few times. The driver pulled out. Knuckles kicked him a few times and killed him, and took the car on a road derby. The cops pulled after him somewhere nearby the Hosital on Portland so he went to Portland Harbor. A new Pimp started up his stable in a nearby abandoned building. Knuckles stole a bus and cut a huge hole in the top-front area.  
  
Knuckles pulled out his Cellphone and called Sonic.  
  
Knuckles: Hello, Sonic.  
  
Sonic: So, what's the lowdown? What are you doing?  
  
Knuckles: Sonic, would you be interested in helping me pull off a good raid on the new pimp at Portland Harbor? I have a bus and some Uzis, it should be enough.  
  
Sonic: Hell yeah! I'll fly the Simulator. Is it okay if I bring Tails with? I want to teach him how to shoot a pistol.  
  
Knuckles: Sure, why not?  
  
Knuckles hung up, and about an hour later Sonic and Tails showed up.  
  
Knuckles: Okay, what did you bring?  
  
Sonic: Well, I brought some crack if you wanted to get high before the raid. I also have a pistol for Tails and a Shotgun. I assume you have everything you need, yes?  
  
Knuckles: Yeah. Here's the plan; You'll drive the bus into the wall of the pimp's pad. I'll stand up through the hole in the ceiling and administer some ass kicking with my Uzis. Tails, smash through the windows on the ceiling and steal what you can. Try to get a few bitches so we'll have something to do afterwards, got it?  
  
Sonic and Tails: Yeah.  
  
Knuckles: Okay, let's get this going!  
  
Sonic drove into a wall, smashing it down and killing some people. Dust clouded the area as Knuckles held Uzis on each side of him, shooting everything that moved. Tails popped in and tied a few hoes to his Tails and grabbes a ton of the cash, and a bunch of meth for his collection. He also grabbed some crack for Sonic and Knuckles.  
  
Sonic hit the break, and Knuckles jumped out through the hole. He reloaded his Uzis and started shooting the Thugs that were opening fire on the bus. Sonic walked out and started calmly beating up some of the pimp's friends and eventually the pimp himself.  
  
Tails started shooting the rest of the hoes and Thugs with the pistol Sonic lent him, and took cover behind the bus, guarding the door.  
  
One of the Thugs tried to shoot him with an Uzi, so he ran up the side of the bus and jumped off, leaping towards the Thug. He shot him a few times.  
  
The cops would show up soon, so they gathered what the could and got in the bus.  
  
Sonic drove away, with Tails and Knuckles shooting up the cops in hot pursuit, but they couldn't get them all and soon they had helicopters on their tail. Sonic took a sharp turn and went through the recently fixed Porter Tunnel. They drove through, but the cops persisted. When they got to Shoreside, Sonic had everyone get out and go to the Import/Export garage on foot. When the got there, Tails piloted the Dodo back to the Simulator, with the stuff they stashed on the bus. Then, they flew away. Unfortunately, the two hoes Tails stole fell off and probably died.  
  
15 minutes later..  
  
Knuckles: That, was just.. Just.. Fucking awesome!  
  
Sonic: Yeah!  
  
Knuckles: Tails, bring on the hoes!  
  
Tails: They fell off somewhere around Portland.  
  
Shadow: Bugger!  
  
Knuckles: What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Shadow: Sonic, I heard you raided the Mafia Slim-crackhouse.  
  
Sonic: Yeah..  
  
Shadow: And I also was told you guys raided that new pimp in Portland Harbor.  
  
Knuckles: Yeah..  
  
Shadow: Do you know what you've gotten yourself into?  
  
Tails: Yeah..  
  
Shadow: Then I suppose you're ready for all of Portland's Mafia and the CP that's going to drop by in a couple hours?  
  
Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles: Umm, no.  
  
Shadow: Aggh.. I guess I don't have a choice. I'm going to help defend you from the Confederation of Pimps and the Mafia.  
  
Tails: Let's go get some weapons.  
  
The Simulator hooked Tails up with a new pair of Berettas, Knuckles with MP5Ks, and Sonic with a bigass Grenade Launcher. Shadow didn't get anything, because he didn't know how to shoot a gun. He said he could just beat the crap out of them.  
  
Knuckles made a makeshift bunker. The front shield was made out of bricks with a few holes for some guns to shoot through. On each side was an assembly of sandbags, large enough to conceal everyone if they were crouching. On the back, there was an 8 foot tower. In the front of it, facing the bricks, there was a small entrance and a short ladder. There was a grabage can lid on the top to prevent any grenades from going in. This was for Sonic and his grenade laucnher, or if he ran out of grenades, a post for Tails and his Berettas.  
  
In the back, there was a pile of logs cemented together. There were a few extra weapons and two boxes of ammo in case someone should run out. Everyone except Sonic was supplied with a grenade, who was supplied with 8.  
  
Sonic: Do we have everything?  
  
Knuckles: Yeah.  
  
Shadow, who was standing in front of the bunker with a light metal pole, looked through his binoculars.  
  
Shadow: They're here!  
  
Knuckles: How far away?  
  
Shadow: They should be within firing distance in about 15 minutes.  
  
Sonic: Load your weapons, this'll be some hell of a fight!  
  
A cliffhanger ending. Is my suspense working? It better, otherwise none of you might want to go and read the next chapter. I'll see you next time! 


	5. Chapter 5: The bigass busty blonde bombs...

Alright! I'm back. I promise every single little fucking one of you that this will be the most entertaining, vulgar, and overall madcapped hell of a chapter in GTA3 SONIC HISTORY!!!!!!!!!  
  
Right, scratch that, I'm eventually going to make a better one. But anyways, if you are below 9 years old (or, if you are not very mature, change it to 16), I reccodmend you stop reading before you get some parent on my ass about opening up a can of old fashioned vulgar reality on their kid/kids/7 kids (depends, that last part).  
  
Keep in mind, I do not own GTA3, street talk, the Mafia, pimps, thugs, whores, guns, buses, large towers, bricks, sandbags, cans of whoopass (other than my collector's edition of long-lasting whoopass on my shelf), large iron poles, nor the Matrix. I do own this mixture of universes and the text my brain and two typing fingers have spawned over this span of time I have been authoring these extremely useless but somewhat entertaining stories I have slaved over FOR YOU BENEFIT!!  
  
But, other than all that, enjoy the show and stop fucking with my head.  
  
It was a dark and stormy 11:00 AM (who'd of thought?) and Sonic was peeping through a small 1x1 foot hole in the bricks in front of him. Approx. 300 different people were approaching their small encampment somewhere in mid-western Nebraska, in probably the only place there is a desert in Nebraska.  
  
Sonic: Hey, Tails.  
  
Tails: What?  
  
Sonic: Did you notice that guy on the left holding up his middle finger?  
  
Tails: The one with the HUGE middle finger?  
  
Sonic: Yeah, that guy.  
  
Tails: What about him?  
  
Sonic: He's aiming a sniper rifle at your head, so maybye you should come back in here instead of standing around 20 feet away from safety in plain sight.  
  
Tails: Oh, shit!  
  
Tails ran very quickly in slow motion as a bullet raced by his head. Yeah. 15 feet away.  
  
Tails: That was close!  
  
Sonic: Tails, the bullet striked the air 15 feet from your head.  
  
Tails: Above it or to the right?  
  
Sonic: To the left.  
  
Tails: You think outside of the box too much, you nutcase.  
  
Shadow: I is le JEEX! Munkie Mafia attackers me!  
  
BooMmMmM! Flashashashash BOOM! Ch-ch! BOOM! Ch-ch!  
  
Knuckles: They've opened fire!  
  
Sonic climbed up the ladder and thought for a moment under the garbage lid.  
  
'You know, I can't hear what's going on. I know that someone has probably died by now. I gotta do something, god fucking damnit!'  
  
Sonic lifts up the lid and lobs a grenade. Fwoosh!  
  
"WHOOPASS, MUTHAFUCKAS!"  
  
BOOOOOOOOM!!!!  
  
Random thug: Holy shit! I don't have an arm!  
  
Tails: Big butt, so what?  
  
Boom! Chakachakachaka! Clank! Pow!  
  
Shadow was using his pole in slow motion (no, the metal one..) to block all the bullets getting fired, and then promptly beat the fuck out of everything in site.  
  
Knuckles and Sonic were firing their guns through the small holes in the front brick wall, which was slowly being worn away. Tails was shooting around the corner, from the left sandbag wall.  
  
Shadow beat in a pimp's head with his own golden 6-foot staff and thought to himself...  
  
'Damn, if I get another bullet in me, I don't think I'll live. All the blood on my fur is distractine me.. Fuck it, cowabunga!!'  
  
Whack! Clank-swoosh-pow! BOOM! Ch-ch! BOOM! Ch-ch! BOOM! Chakachakachakachaka! Ch-clank-swoosh-pow!  
  
Tails: Heads up!  
  
Knuckles swooped up the grenade and threw it back towards the one who threw it.  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!  
  
Random Pimp: Ahh!! MY BLING-BLINGIN' GOLDEN LEG!! AHH!!  
  
Knuckles: Gotcha!  
  
Slow motion...  
  
Boooooooooom...!!  
  
Shadow: Ooooohhh shhhiiiiiittt...!  
  
Regular motion!  
  
Slice!  
  
Sonic: NOOOOOO!!! Shadow!!  
  
Shadow: I are the dead jeexer.. Boomzies, game over... Ow..  
  
Shadow then got trampled by the mafia-pimp Confed.  
  
Sonic shot three grenades in quick succession.  
  
BOOOOO-BOOOOO-BOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Several moments later...  
  
Sonic has a new hole ripped where his small intestine would be, Tails is missing a tail and is desperately trying to find it, Knuckles needs to find five new knuckles to replace the one that a pimp with a katana removed, and Shadow's dead, somewhere amongst the dead bodies.  
  
Until next time,  
Marevix. 


End file.
